Sigh. Today’s Monday. How fast time really flies. Last Friday was still happily celebrating jie’s birthday at marina south. Eating steamboat with my clique. It’s been so long since the 9 of us gathered together talking, laughing, joking and creating a lot of noises everywhere we go. Really missed them a lot. Especially e days during our secondary school life. We used to gossip bout ugly teachers, childish juniors, giving those sluts n bitches nicks, everything was jus so cool.
why did everything had to change the min I come into poly? Isn’t poly life supposed to be fun and exciting? Why doesn’t it feel like at all? I don’t feel any warmth around me anymore. Everyone looks so real yet fake. What’s the purpose of going to school now? Be in e top 5 position so tht I can show off? So tht people will respect me? This isn’t me. Its so not me.
Saturday was cool. Dad had work. Her parents weren’t in town. We went orchard, went shopping. Bought new shirt n watch. Bought her shirt also. Went home around 7 plus, legs were so tired. Then I thought I could sleep early. Went to bed around 10 plus, hoping to get some real rest and wake up early e next day to find her.
but wad e fucking hell on earth I couldn’t sleep. Was tossing and turning around the bed. Was feeling so uncomfortable. Woke up at 12 smth. Den went to sleep. Fuck. Woke up at 2 smth again. Had diarrhea. Nvm. Tried to sleep. Fail again. Woke up at 4, had fever. Woke up at 6 smth finally. Went to watch tv. I had food poisoning. Thank goodness she was there. If not I could have died. Went to see a doctor. Throughout the day, she went running here n there, to serve me. Now tht I’m feeling better, I jus wan to thank her.
baby, thank u so much. No words can describe just how I feel. I know there are times my words are really harsh. But I hope u understand thts jus me. I cant control my anger and temper at all. At times, when I really need u, u aren’t here. But yesterday u were there, taking care of me, not even flaring up not even complaining, thank u so much. Ure leaving this Friday. I have so much work with me right now, its jus not the right time to leave. But I guess u cant choose either. Today is just so sucky. My results are like crap and like shit. I know ure enjoying urself right now. You’ve come a long way. I cant deprive u of what ure having now. Its jus so unfair. I’m not gonna get over this so soon. I just don wish to spoil ur day. I so envy u. can go shopping, play this play tht. I still half a yr more to go. I dono wad will happen when u leave for aus, I jus hope nothing bad happens. One thing for sure, I’ll miss u a lot. Don even bother to ask cos u know I will. I just hope u take good care of urself and enjoy on my behalf.
now back to my sucky fucky shitty day. Went to school despite my condition cos I was feeling better, dint wana waste any time. Early morning got math. Got back our test paper,. I got 85, cy got 96. all the girls did pretty well. Xy got 93, sj got 87. well cy was e highest and we were all very happy cos WE BEAT THE GUYS ! but sigh. I wasn’t really pleased with my results. They put in effort, so did i. why cant I jus do a little bit more better? So what I did rather well, seeing so many doing so much better than me, sigh. I’m jus nothing afterall. Nvm. Den we went to eat. Had chicken rice. Was quite ok. Next was FE. Sigh. The paper which I feel like committing suicide. I thought I could get at least an 80. worse, 70. but guess wad, I only got 64. I guess I’m the top 5 lowest in class. Just what the fuck went wrong with me? The paper was so so so so so bloody easy. I stressed myself every night before I go to bed and studied so hard for it. In the end? Just fuck it. I cant believe I got only 64. I’m so ashamed. Wad distinction rights do I have now? None. Completely none. I’ve lost all my motivation. Its all gone. I don’t even feel like fighting for anything anymore. Just kill me. I’m just an idiot.